bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
