im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
