Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
