when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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