According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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