Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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