as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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