Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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