Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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