i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
