She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
