But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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