Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
