I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
