he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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