I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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