Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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