She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
