no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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