i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
