Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
