Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
