and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
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