Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
