Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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