i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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