What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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