This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
