My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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