What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
