I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
