Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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