i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
