i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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