how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
