Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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