I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
