paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
