Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
