who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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