Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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