I wish I could punch you in the face.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
