So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
