I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
