Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
