if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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