Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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