i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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