All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
