Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
