good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
