How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
high people should be assigned attendants
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
