Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
