fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize