Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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