Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
