Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
