he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
