dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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