You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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