why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
