Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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