what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
