Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
is that a dick in a sweater?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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