I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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