Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
There's even glitter on my cock...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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