Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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