Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
