guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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