Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
