Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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