i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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