IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
