She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
